I have always wanted a second child. My husband, on the other hand is an only child. He thinks it’s greedy to want another, when one is perfectly fine. In any case, I longed for another so badly. Over the years, I might have even resented him a bit. Hoping he would one day change his mind. I knew it was unfair and had to put it to rest. And the only way I knew how, was to simply pray about it. And I also secretly prayed with my son every night when I put him to bed. It went something like this: “…And I pray that one day, God will give me a little _______” (and I would let my son fill in the blank). And he would say… “sister”. Every. Single. Time.
Needless to say, when the baby came out and was thrown on me, I was eager to find out what we had. Of course, I wanted to hear the cry to know that everything was ok. But I just couldn’t wait. “What did we have??” I asked nervously. The nurses rubbed him down and let me do the honour of checking between the little legs. Oh…we have a boy! Hmmm that was definitely a surprise.
It’s something no one talks about. But come on. We all have our “preferences.” And yes, of course, the politically correct thing to say is, “it doesn’t matter as long as it’s healthy”. But this is my last baby and deep down I wanted a little girl. Partly because it would be a new experience. I wanted all things pink and frilly. I wanted the sweet cuddles. But mostly because I wanted to have the kind of relationship with my daughter that I have with my mom. Every week, I call her, check in with her, think about her. It’s like having a friend that you continue to have as you grow old. Not to say, this isn’t possible with boys, but we all know how our husbands were when they were just our boyfriend. We became their world. And mamas were out of the picture.
It hurt me too that my son really wanted a sister. And he won’t ever have that chance. Maybe it’s possible. Who knows. But I’m not 27. Try 37. So I hold on to what I told my 4 year old, God knows what we need. And perhaps a brother is just what my son needed. And a son is what this mama needs too. Plus this world needs more strong and honourable men. And I intend to do my part. With all of my heart.